Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
