He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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