don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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