my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
