Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
