Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
