So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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