I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
