Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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