i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
