I puked a lego.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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