I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish you could order shots online.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
