i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
