I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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