There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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