he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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