I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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