Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
