Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
