Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
