Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
