We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Panties = found
Randomize
