there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
