you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
