If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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