just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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