he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
