Slut skills are useful in every country.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
