i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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