Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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