so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
