I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
