i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
