the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
