my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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