I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
