I'm going to jail i love you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
