Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
