Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And then the night went full on bisexual.