Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.

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  (407): The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume. http://tfl.nu/7n2b
  Replies (5) Good night (983) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  kinda like you and your friends.

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  (931): dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny. (803): kinda like you and your friends. http://tfl.nu/yef0
  Replies (14) Good night (787) Bad night (2290)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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  (518): I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day. (612): May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees. http://tfl.nu/b9l3
  Replies (10) Good night (740) Bad night (1991)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
  Replies (27) Good night (1663) Bad night (3724)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (9254) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper

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  (516): my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper http://tfl.nu/iwmr
  Replies (12) Good night (3925) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

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  (864): I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/wo9k
  Replies (11) Good night (1927) Bad night (4998)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

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  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (2165) Bad night (7708)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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  (202): You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first. http://tfl.nu/24o7
  Replies (3) Good night (757) Bad night (1624)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?

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  (402): Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out? http://tfl.nu/j98q
  Replies (14) Good night (605) Bad night (2949)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard

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  (610): I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard http://tfl.nu/mt5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1312) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.

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  (423): Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/tqj8
  Replies (2) Good night (1373) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.

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  (305): No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen. http://tfl.nu/b2oj
  Replies (5) Good night (760) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L

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  (607): Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L http://tfl.nu/7ned
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.

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  (416): You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions. http://tfl.nu/xw97
  Replies (2) Good night (309) Bad night (245)

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