I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude