Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.

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  (845): I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive. http://tfl.nu/u0rp
  Replies (15) Good night (1781) Bad night (709)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  eat her like coffee?

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  (720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99
  Replies (19) Good night (1273) Bad night (3262)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.

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  (763): The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled. http://tfl.nu/m5fs
  Replies (26) Good night (1044) Bad night (5090)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.

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  (269): I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying. http://tfl.nu/75ln
  Replies (14) Good night (1224) Bad night (4750)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm

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  (214): she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm http://tfl.nu/qx0o
  Replies (8) Good night (3062) Bad night (1753)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever

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  (704): You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever http://tfl.nu/czge
  Replies (3) Good night (1024) Bad night (2366)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.

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  (407): Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills. http://tfl.nu/wclx
  Replies (9) Good night (1526) Bad night (2063)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time

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  (614): I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time http://tfl.nu/cp50
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (2233)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy

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  (571): i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy http://tfl.nu/ffaz
  Replies (13) Good night (835) Bad night (1581)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast

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  (940): I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast http://tfl.nu/pow4
  Replies (4) Good night (1294) Bad night (460)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.

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  (850): Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians. (1-850): Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue. http://tfl.nu/hc5m
  Replies (10) Good night (3272) Bad night (663)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?

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  (513): I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete? http://tfl.nu/ue0i
  Replies (3) Good night (1193) Bad night (845)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body

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  (361): I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body http://tfl.nu/4g9m
  Replies (3) Good night (1025) Bad night (487)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me

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  (816): Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me http://tfl.nu/eiw2
  Replies (5) Good night (1035) Bad night (466)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on

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  (718): I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on http://tfl.nu/z8s8
  Replies (4) Good night (479) Bad night (332)

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