I got chris browned last night
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls