even my farts smell like vagina
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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