Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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