I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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