she takes plan B like it's going out of style
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
