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I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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