I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.