So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
