U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
