Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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