woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The adults are the big ones right?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
