Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
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