She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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