She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
