you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
