So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just had sex on a roof
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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