Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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