I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
