Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
