y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
