My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
