I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
