Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
