Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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