The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
