i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
