got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
