Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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