Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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